I AM the Union of My Father and Mother

Somewhere in time, when once again I was "stuck" in a love relationship and working like a maniac but "hitting brick (career) walls" again, I had exhausted all other avenues of figuring out, "Why do I do what I do, and in relationship to one who does what he does?" (I had even gotten degrees in psychology, counseling, and conflict resolution to figure out how to find love, attachment, and security, AND to empower other women). I think it was 1998 during a “life and death” moment, I made a serious plea to God to heal me or just take me. "I want to go to my deepest, darkest depths to heal whatever keeps me from being who I am meant to be and doing what I am meant to do on this planet."

Well, as we all know, one ought to be careful for what one prays. My desperate plea was heard and led me to an amazing journey healing my own birth trauma and studying the new and emerging field of Pre and Perinatal Psychology. It involved a short year in NY for what can only be explained as “karmic” and the jumping off point into the unknown. This journey, amazing as it is, has been the challenging claiming 0f my life, my perceptions, and my actions.

Seven years after my turning- point prayer, I define A Baby's Birth as:

"a continuum of critical periods of physiological development that begins even before conception and completes at the mother's breast, in the arms of the father, and will be lived throughout life."

My birth is mine; it defined me for my life.

I found every single moment of my life and my issues (or “tissues” as I now say) to be a reflection of my gestation, labor, and birth experiences, and these were a reflection of my conception experience. Conception is a critical experience -- for the lifetime. I found everything my mother felt, did, and ingested, as well as how she was treated and how she perceived intercourse during my conception to be the core of me. How and with what I was built is how I AM. During labor and birth every person, and thing said and done, how it was done, drugs used, hospital staff emotions and needs -- every second of labor and birth now belongs to ME as it was imprinted on MY brain as I, ME, the BABY, experienced my earliest beginnings. It created how I see myself in the world.

I even found that the lifelong thought of "get me out of this or let me die" during challenges, and how I have tended to be too independent and resisted help when I really needed it (angering people whose imprint is to rescue) was a "birth imprint." My healing creates a deep yearning in me to be a part of supporting women to know and trust their bodies from before conception and beyond; and, to choose loving peaceful people to be in the room when her baby (a soul in a body with a brain) is being born. My studies have taught me how to teach medical caregivers and midwives how to be with a women in a way that supports peaceful birth. The future of the planet depends on our children.

And, I know now, the trauma from my birth is also an amazing gift. I know how to support a baby or an adult to find their resources and gifts in their shadows. How we get from the warm, dark, womb where we are one with our mother to being a physiologically independent, but still helpless being is when and how our survival pattern for life is established. (I suspect our personality is as well.) And, oh, Baby, do I know how to survive. One of my ex’s once told me angrily, “You survive when you don’t even need to.” It's true, I see now. I DO know how to get "through it” -- whatever “it” is. It’s imprinted on my brain, and like a magnet, I (and you) attract what it is I (you) need to either heal it or perpetuate it, including people. That man just happened to be born two months premature during the bombings in Europe in early June, 1944 and he was breastfed by another woman because his mother's milk didn't come in. He was quite the survivor as well. He even taught me a Hungarian saying, "That's like the owl saying to the sparrow -- what big eyes you have!" Imagine the literature in psychology about what attracts people to each other and it doesn’t even look at our birth experience and how we came into the world!! I call these "intersections" where we "crash" in our early, preverbal imprintings.

We are hormonal beings – our imprints are hormonal based. I have come to believe that these situations and relationships we find ourselves in are co-created and for the purpose of healing. Without intention to heal, our relationships deepen the wounding and need to survive. Our male and female relationships at their worst – with violence, for example – are no longer so complicated when both people pursue healing their earliest wounds of not getting what they needed (See my entry, What a Baby Needs). The one who expresses the anger is in relationship with the one who goes within. It’s a dance whose choreography was established in the prenatal and birth experiences.

We are addicted to OUR OWN neuropeptides and hormones established at birth. MD’s, PhD’s and OB researchers Nathaneilsz, Odent, Perts, and Wirth explain this so it must be scientific). I know now that I don't always need to go through life like it is "life and death" and to "find the place of most resistance" (an imprint from forceps) in the type of work place or man I chose. I no longer send out the “rescue me” vibe only to angry about it. The important thing is that because of the healing work – in my central nervous system – I have options, in my body-mind-soul. I don’t have to use exhausting psychological or invasive medical technology and drugs – I only need to find the place within me.

My traditional religious upbringing and training in psychology and biology never trained me to embrace the three as connected - body, mind, and soul. The mainstream traditional theories and practices are not the most scientifically up-to-date. Traditional medicine, psychology, and religion never led me to see humanity in terms of Father, and baby in the flesh, and Mother! There is no separation - via medicine, psychology, or religion - of who we are, the physiological Union of our father's sperm and our mother's egg. We embody them both and we best embrace it – no matter where mom and dad are, no matter we there are/were, and what they did or didn't do to or for us, we are them.  We carry their stories and their ancestors stories. We will live out the secrets of our ancestors unless we choose to embrace who we are, heal who we are.  We can do so within.